How to Attract the Perfect Mate (Introduction)

The Secret to Avoiding Time, Energy and Sanity Wasted on Miscommunications, 2 Week Flings That Go Nowhere and Bad Sex. It’s Time To Start Fishing in the Right Pond, Lovelies!

*I’ve got a special kind of language going on here. If you run into any terms that you don’t quite comprehend, check out The Girl To Go To Glossary. If you find you are still confused feel free to comment. I’ll answer your question. 

Let’s get narrative shall we?  Sheila is hot. I mean she really is something else. Most girls  don’t quite achieve this kind of beauty. She secretly loves the attention she gets from guys. But often they are intimidated by her looks. I mean short brown hair, eyes like fire, legs like you’ve never seen. It could make a guy a bit nervous.  She would really like for a guy to come up to her and ask her on a date. She hasn’t dated anyone in quite sometime now and she feels disconnected from the world. She never hits on guys, it’s not really her style but desperate times call for desperate measures. That’s where Geno comes in.

They met at a bar. He was tall, built and even had a scruffy little beard the kind Sheila just loves. He is a friend of a friend’s. Very funny guy indeed. He is making everyone laugh and everyone seems to love him. So she goes for it. 

Geno is flattered. Sheila is gorgeous. When she approaches him he can see his two friends in the corner out of the corner of his eye edging him on. So of course he says YES. He loves it when women come up to him and ask him out. Why do guys have to do all the work? And she seems very confident, sure of herself. That is very sexy. So it’s a date. Wednesday night they are going to have dinner and then see a movie.

Wednesday rolls around. Dinner is awkward. Geno is nervous and talking a lot more than most guys do on first dates. Sheila knows his whole life story before they step into the movie and she couldn’t get in a word edge wise. He also lacks the confidence he had in front of his friends. But…he is really cute.

Geno is surprised Sheila isn’t asking any questions, she’s just waiting for her turn to talk. She doesn’t seem as confident as she did at the bar the other night. The shirt she chose to wear was rather homely and she’s pretty giddy which makes her seem…younger. But she is really cute. 

After the movie they both wait for the other one to invite them over. Geno drove so when he pulls up to her house there is an awkward moment. Sheila asks him in for coffee. He complies. It isn’t long before they start kissing. Geno makes his way to the bathroom to make sure his breath is on point. When he comes out Sheila is lying on the couch like a doll. She has lacy underwear on. He should have a boner. But he doesn’t. He goes over to her anyway. She pulls him on top of her and starts kissing him. Geno takes the lead, he doesn’t really have a choice. It takes him longer than both of them had hoped for to actually get it up. When he does he hurries through the sex crossing his fingers that he won’t lose his hard on. It’s sloppy, bad and boring. They are both bored. They try to be polite. Geno makes up an excuse as to why he has to leave. Sheila feels used. She lets him leave in silence.

“All men are the same,” she thinks to herself after crying for a few hours. She calls a friend over to watch movies and comfort her.

“What is wrong with me?” Geno thinks as he drives home. he spends the night alone and depressed. He can’t imagine she would ever want to talk to him again after his poor performance.

The sad truth is this happens all too often. No, Geno wasn’t using Sheila. He really wanted to like her and is very insecure about his performance. He thinks she would never speak to him after the terrible sex they had.  But Sheila thinks she just got humped and dumped. They are both taking everything rather personally and most likely won’t ever get the chance to talk it over and find out what really happened. This in turn will cause them to shut out for a while and become more jaded towards the next person they date. No one will ever figure out that they are just two lonely bottoms in need of a top. What I mean to say is both Geno and Sheila are Submissive. 

Notice how Sheila NEVER goes up to guys. Only when the thought of being lonely hits her does she step out of her comfort zone and ask Geno out. And notice how Geno loves the idea of a girl coming up to him and asking him on a date. In a bar setting especially where alcohol is involved they both see what they want to see. Geno appears to be a tall man with a beard who is built. And Sheila seems to be a very strong, aggressive female. His buddies are also watching him and he doesn’t want to look “gay” or like a “pussy.” But at dinner no one leads the conversation. So they both end up blabbing to fill in dead silence. Normally a more dominant person leads the conversation by asking a lot of questions. They do a lot of listening and the conversation goes in the direction they want it to go (like many other things.) And Sheila wore an outfit making her look innocent. During dinner they both knew deep down that this wasn’t right for them but they were both a good blend of lonely and horny so they went for it anyway.Geno wanted Sheila to spank him a bit, pinch his nipples and jump on him, make out with him and then ride him. Sheila wanted Geno to conquest her but instead they both sat through bad sex leaving them feeling probably more lonely than they started off. 

 OK. Here’s the fun part. Before you go out fishing in the wrong pond it’s time to Self Assess. I’m always going to bring it back to you. A lot of mistakes can be avoided by doing so. It’s a hard thing to do. Especially in arguments. It’s so hard after screaming at someone to say, “Wait what did I do wrong?” But in doing so it’s less likely you find yourself in that particular sort of screaming match in the future.  And here’s the deal, you may not think it true but it is more comfortable to sit back and say, “All men are dogs.” Than to actually have to face yourself and your needs and wants. Especially in a society that says that Submissive women are weak, victims who let men use them. 

GOLDEN RULE We will not judge ourselves for what makes us come harder

Part of Self Assessing is letting the judgement go completely.And I mean it. To my Hetero Girls out there, I’m so serious. This is coming from a Feminist Lesbian. Try to keep politics out of the bedroom unless of course…it makes you come harder! if you like a man to push you around and call you a dirty little slut, if that makes you have squirting orgasms than by all means  work it. Submissive men, let the Ladyless Homies go. I personally think that submissive men are very sexy. I’m not the only one trust me. So go after what you really want.

 Now I like to think of my titles as more of categories. But it’s good to push the boundaries a bit, test the waters and see what you like. If you aren’t sure then you’ve got some more sex ahead of you that will help make things a little clearer. This is not just about sex. In reality Sheila and Geno are probably both Versatile Bottoms, which I will explain later. And maybe Sheila is a real Dominant Person out of the bedroom but behind closed doors she’s a cuddly kitten…who loves it rough.You will most likely find yourself saying. “Hey I’m a Versatile Bottom in the bedroom, a Power Top with my friends, a Bottom in my relationships and a Versatile Top at work.” Feel free to assess many areas of your life. This is all about attracting the right kind of people and  fishing in the right pond for many areas and aspects of your life. So feel free to sift through these categories and assess away. And also keep an eye out for my upcoming articles on What to do Once You Have Assessed. And how to go about attracting each and everyone of these categories. 

Bottom. A.K.A. Power Bottom.  A.K.A. Submissive

When people hear the word “submissive” they see a secretary on her hands and knees with an apple in her mouth crawling towards her master. In extreme cases that may be the case but in most cases it’s not. In fact in most cases it’s hard to find people that are 100% submissive or dominant.A submissive is a person much like Geno or Sheila who enjoys being dominated. This can mean many things but they more than often like their partner to take the lead sexually, make decisions etc.These individuals often enjoy being penetrated. If they do penetrate it’s usually when they are told to. Often times people view the person being penetrated as the “weaker” person. Penetration is not a weapon when used properly. And there is much power in being penetrated as well. A good example is the image of a penis before penetrating a vagina. It is bigger and harder but once a vagina gets a hold of it it becomes flaccid and smaller. In essence the vagina “chews it up and spits it out.” That’s another way of looking at vaginal penetration. Bottoms are more comfortable and open to being vulnerable which makes them very strong, and very well connected people. You’ll know if you are a good bottom because you have what it takes to make people want to pounce on you and take control. You’ll know a good bottom when you want to pounce on them too. They are cute, subtly sexy and often times excellent cuddlers. And they know how to keep their Dominant Partners in check by letting them they run the show in certain areas. 

Perfect matches: Tops, Versatile Tops

Best option for an open minded, self educational, protected one night stand: Versatile Top

Relationship Poison: Other Bottoms/Submissives

 

Top. A.K.A. Power Top. A.K.A. Dominant 

Again, this is not some person with a mask on and a leather belt chasing you down the street in an attempt to whip you into submission. This is just a person who is more than often comfortable with running the show.Dominant people take great pleasure in paving the path ahead of them and watching others follow. They are aroused by partners who listen and take orders well. They are also flattered by the trust that their partners instill in them to make most of the decisions.Dominants like to “check” their partners often. Which means they like to keep their partner in check by making outlandish demands sometimes or punishing them in one way or another (maybe even just the cold shoulder) when their partner fails to comply.They often enjoy penetrating. And if they are being penetrated they may be specific about how they want it to be done.  A good dominant knows how to get inside the head of the person they are dominating. You’ll know you’re being dominated when you find yourself doing little things just to please the person or gain their approval. You’ll also know because most likely you are getting pushed around a bit in the bedroom and loving it. You may even feel out of control, that’s because you are. 

Perfect matches: Bottoms, Versatile Bottoms

Best option for an open minded, self educational, protected one night stand: Versatile Top

Relationship Poison: Other Dominants/Tops

 Versatile Bottom. A.K.A. Submissive Dominant Hybrid 

Ooo. This one is a lot of fun. This is a person who is more Bottom Savvy but sometimes, and this could be a 70/30 split, a 50/50 split, or a 10/90 split, they enjoy being dominant.I like to call these Switches.  And Versatile Bottoms just so happen to be my match for perfect lovers. There is nothing hotter than a girl who can lure you in and let you take control, then at the last minute switch it up and surprise you. Versatile Bottoms are often well aware of situations they should be in control of and situations where others should take the lead.

Perfect matches: Tops, Versatile Tops

Best option for an open minded, self educational, protected one night stand:  Bottoms/Submissives

Relationship Poison: Bottoms/Submissives

 Versatile Top. A.K.A. Dominant Submissive Hybrid

This is the category that best describes how I am in almost every area of my life except for when I’m learning something. Then I have no desire to run the show until I have enough knowledge to not embarrass myself. Versatile Tops are more comfortable and prone to situations where they are in control but every now and then they like to switch it up and let someone else hold the reigns.  These individuals also tend to have an amazing grasp of when they should take the lead and when they should take a step back. They don’t come on as strong as Power Tops and may not even make their dominance obvious until later…when it counts. They often like to dominate first in the bedroom because that is what gets them off the most. They may not lead the entire conversation but they will most likely lead most of it.  And their dominance can catch you by surprise sometimes. 

Perfect matches: Bottoms, Versatile Bottoms

Best option for an open minded, self educational, protected one night stand: Top/Dominant

Relationship Poison: Dominants/Tops

Again, some of this may sound a little different. But the general concept should be clear. Cheers and Love,Chantelle 

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Posted by Chantelle May 2008

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