So, you’ve got your eyes on a younger lad? Of course you do. And who can blame you? Don’t tell the other lesbians but wanna hear a secret? You know that movie DISTURBIA? You know that part where Shia LeBouf sits on the couch and starts watching television before his mother comes home and almost catches him watching porn? You probably don’t because you didn’t rewind it as many times as I did. Even the girl who claims to be “into older men” is waiting for that guy she married to hurry up and die so she can spend his money on the son he had with that previous wife he probably should have stuck it out with. Face it, younger guys are just hot. Almost as hot as older women, tee hee.
Remember that little thing called Androgyny that had me all confused that fateful fall in 2002? (Androgyny: My Vagina Is So Confused) Several years later Androgyny got the best of me yet again. He was nineteen, and looked liked Rosamund Pike would if she were mixed. (From now on I will refer to shim as “Lee”) We started hanging out and, well as you can guess there were some PROS and some CONS. And as you have probably further guessed by the title of this disaster waiting to happen, I’m going to list them.
PRO #1: HE’S NOT JADED JUST YET
Lee had his whole life ahead of him, he was talented, brilliant and refreshing to be around. I had just gotten out of a relationship where we constantly argued. With Lee there was no pressure. It was easy and fun.
Over time we allow ourselves to get so bitter about the most trivial things. Love doesn’t work out for us a few times, so we use it as an excuse to close ourselves off and treat everyone we date like ass. Our career isn’t going the way we planned, we sell out and scoff at anyone who even dreams of having dreams. When Lee spoke of his hopes and dreams his eyes would light up like it was Christmas morning and he could finally open his presents. At the time I was really distraught about my clothing company, WEAR ME NAKED. I had no idea what the next step was and I was losing faith. Being around someone as positive as he was gave me a lot of inspiration. The way he made things so simple was amazing. At the time I was doing client work, I didn’t realize how much I truly loathed client work until Lee very casually pointed it out. He changed the direction of my company.
I learned to let a lot of my grudges go and just keep on trucking without any regrets. That is actually one of my favorite lessons life has had to offer thus far.
CON #1: THEY ARE ALWAYS HUNGRY AND HAVE DISGUSTING AMOUNTS OF ENERGY
I love energetic people. I am not one of them though. I’m a very laid back person. My idea of exercise is walking to the post-office…and back! (1 mile) Lee’s idea of exercise was a 2 hour game of soccer, 4 forty-five minute sex sessions and a casual mountain climb. I could barely keep up. Not only did I feel like I was so much closer to death than he was, I felt out of shape. Then I realized it wasn’t just a feeling, I really was out of shape. So I decided to make myself feel better about it by eating some ice cream, only Lee took an entire carton to the face earlier. So I went for the Pirate’s Booty only Lee inhaled that the other night. He had eaten me out of house and home. I couldn’t even snack my misery away.
TIP: If you find yourself hungry, try to make it a point to eat at his place if you can. He won’t have any food of course so you’ll still be hungry but when you go home your food will still be in tact.
PRO #2: YOU WILL NEVER LOOK BETTER
Get ready to lose weight! He will devour all of your food so you will have no option but to dine on the remaining crumbs. On top of that in order to keep up with him you will have to up the physical fitness level just a bit which will be easy because as you’ll realize, his energy is contagious.
You will also find yourself competing with him. I often found that Lee looked better than me in my own clothes. It was inspiration to tone up a bit. I couldn’t stand for my guy to be prettier than me. I had no choice but to get off my bum and stay fit.
CON #2: GET READY TO CHANGE DIAPERS MOMMY!
I came back from the bathroom at my mother’s house to find Lee “making the bed.” In fact, what Lee was doing was sitting in the middle of the bed gently and patiently trying to iron the sheet flat underneath him. I’ll give it to him, he reached all the way around in a circle of failure determined to make that sheet flat, only one problem…he was sitting on it! To make matters worse amidst this colossal failure of a domestic deed he looked up at me and smiled proudly.
Wait I’m not finished, there’s more…
Lee also tried to wash the dishes by pouring detergent on each dish and brushing gently with his hands, he tried to wipe the dish counter by drowning it, he attempted to vacuum with a pressure cleaner, despite coming to my house all of the time he always walked the wrong way when we got off the bus. It was so ridiculous I figured he had to be doing it on purpose. When I realized he wasn’t, I found myself snooping through his wallet for his ID to make sure he wasn’t 12. Instead I found his fake ID. And that’s when it hit me…I was a pervert and I was going to hell. I couldn’t take it anymore, he was just so useless. But of course the Universe had to make me the butt of it’s sick joke one last time. I’ll call this time:
SHOWER TIME
What should have been a romantic shower turned into a Rubber Ducky, Mommy and Me, “How to take a shower properly” lesson. That’s right. Before that apparently Lee thought that the object of Shower Time was all about making sure the soap never touched your skin and gargling the water while jerking it a bit. I told him all about the stinky winky areas and all the other gross places he should rub a dub dub so he wasn’t so smelly welly. My dignity went right down the drain along with the shower water and my reason to ever look in the mirror again.
TIP: If your toy-friend is relatively clueless as to how to take care of himself. Be patient. It could be worse, you could be dating an older man. Try very hard not to be rude, but don’t find yourself doing everything for him either. Show him three times and then let him do it on his own. In Lee’s case he was beyond brilliant, but when it came to everyday simple tasks he just never cared. I was surprised how quickly he pulled it together. So don’t lose faith…yet.
PRO# 3: YOU’LL SET THE STANDARD FOREVER
Chances are he is not a washed up whore…yet. So, for the rest of his life, especially if you are his first love, he will compare the others to you. And the others will have you to thank for all those neat tricks you taught him in bed. You’ll be a legend! And he’ll never forget you. I know it’s selfish to want to be remembered forever, but it’s also kind of flattering, unless he has to start seeking therapy or something. But yeah, I’ll tell myself whatever I want to hear so I’m sure Lee is somewhere right now winking at the sky saying, “Thanks so much for Chantelle. She changed my life forever. I have her to thank for all of my greatest successes. I think I’ll send her a blank check!”
CON #3: THEY ARE USUALLY BROKE
Lee actually made more money than me which was a con of my very own. Because let me tell you, there is something about sitting at the bank while a nineteen year old gets thousands of dollars wired to his account that is very…how should I word this, depressing.
But from what I hear, most younger men are broke. I’m not sure forking out the extra bucks in this situation is worth it. Try to come up with fun events that don’t cost anything like having sex. You can also watch movies at your place (his place is probably a dump anyway and if it’s clean then he probably just hasn’t figured out he’s gay yet). Worse comes to worse just hang out with him every second Friday of the month because that’s when whatever grocery store, clothing store, cafe or gym will unleash his whopping $30 before taxes paycheck.
TIP: Try to be on your best behavior. Like I mentioned before, Lee taught me a lot of valuable life lessons. Just because we are older doesn’t mean we know everything. I promise you you will have a lot of fun and it’ll be refreshing. You’ll always feel attractive because he will always want to sleep with you. So try it out and see what happens, if you find you are hungry, spending all your money, or tired of playing mommy remember it could be worse…you could be dating an older man.
21 comments ↓
you really should write a book…really.
great description of what dating a younger guy is like! lol
dating an older guy is MUCH MUCH WORSE! right on, chantelle.
Chantelle - I love your blog entry!
Hey the advantages of dating a younger man far outweighs the down side!!! My man is a real gem and he is 30 years younger than me. He loves me sooo much and I love him.
[…] 3 Pros And Cons of Dating A Younger Guy […]
Are all lesbians as angry as you? Marbles anyone?
to,the ladies of distinction,….I’m a younger man!
Definitely, a younger man
thnx for making me feel much better about being with a younger man.
Also, thnx for putting it all in perspective.
I see we have much in common
many thnx
WOW your younger man was a nobhead…
I found one that is the oppisite..graduated early went to chef school works hard and is wonderful..my whole family adores him and we are getting married this sept.
He is 21 and I am 42..been together 2 years. I am glad he knows how to wash things and he bathes..properly! LOL
not all younger men are complete morons..depends on how they were raised and what they had to experience growing up…some grow up fasters..same with females..I have know some girls who are WAY out there.
It has truly been the best sex of my life. I am 41 and he is 32, its so far great. There are challenges and I often wonder if he will ever grw tired of me as I grow more tired looking - will he move on eventually or do we have staying power? Al love, no matter the age, is a risk. I will roll my dice….
Oh God!! You made me laught so hard Chantelle!!! Thanks!!! I’m a 30 years old women married to a 27 that acts like if he was 45… Our marriage is kind of “open” (thank god!)… Anyways, I just had the nicest “adventure” with a beautiful 22 year old Tunisian… GUSH!!! That was terrrrrrific!!! Of course, young guys are “fresher”, but I think it really depends on one’s attitude towards life. Older guys can be young a heart too.
I enjoyed your blog… particularly as I try to keep my eyes open at the office this morning after yet another marathon date with my 29 year old boyfriend. I am 40 and have two nearly-grown daughters and he has never been married, no kids, and is happy that way. We met through work and have been enjoying some of the best sex either of us had ever experienced for roughly the past month. He is in the same field as I am, and has two masters degrees so we have lots to talk about when we aren’t too busy screwing! He is fit and sexy and smart and… damn am I ever a lucky lady. I had my reservations about compatability or longevity of the romance, still do, but I doubt that I will ever be with an older man after tasting what Brett has to offer. I love every exhausting, exhilarating, sweaty moment; whether it is our stolen lunch hours at his apartment or 3 mile hikes in the mountains to screw under the full moon…and I am surprised how easy it is to ignore the 11 years between us and that I can actually keep up with him, although sometimes just barely!
CL
I agree with you CL. I am a 40 year old woman dating a 24 year old man. At first like most older women I had the worry of him eventually wanting to date a younger woman. I am very attractive and have way too much energy for a man my age or older (besides their boring). This is my first experience dating a man with this much age difference. I too am at work right now not able to focus or stay awake for that matter due to our all night love fest. I truly enjoy sex and think i have finally met my match. He is very sexy and in shape and I on the other hand look good on the outside but need major help on the inside. I found myself weak and almost at the point of exhaustion just trying to keep up sexually with him. He has no kids and I have two daughters ages 16 & 11. I need three times the energy to keep up with all of them. I thank you chantelle for giving me the some insight on this matter as I truly enjoy being with him and find myself falling in love, in which it has been years since i have felt this way (not even for an older man). I don’t care what people say i just want to make sure that he is with me for all the right reasons and that my doubts with never come to fester.
Thanks, am
Great story. I am 45 dating a guy 22 for three months now. To say it is trying would be an understatement. I guess I found as i got older my patience was less and I’m finding that it seems my son has moved back home, ha ha. I told him I needed a break for a bit. My grown kids totally hated the idea and haven’t spoken to me since I told them about it and I am just confused as to what to do. My kids are grown and have their lives and I deserve one too but feel lost without them in my life. I really like the guy, enjoy his company, we laugh and smile alot when together, he has a good job which really helps, own car but thinks he is in love already. I really like being with him but worry about the age differnce alot.
Hi
My story is great. We have been friends for a little over 10 yrs and after I had gotten a divorce we started a fling, that’s now lasted over 3 yrs and the sex is the best I have ever had and his too. I’m 46 and he’s 30, I love it, he’s has so much energy. It’s a great arrangement cause we both arent’t looking to get serious, at least that was my plan but now I’m starting to feel something and i don’t know what to do about it, can you help me? Thanks
Thanks for reading, Lisa.
I think it’s great that your fling has gone very well so far. What I would have to ask is, what’s wrong with feeling something? And why should you have to do or change anything you are already doing just because you are growing close to someone you are spending time with?
Plans change, of course. But it seems like you just went through a divorce and you deserve some time to breathe. That’s not to say something amazing can’t happen as time passes, but enjoy these new feelings you are having for him. Don’t try to oppress them, but I wouldn’t exactly try to title them or use them as an excuse to take any kind of definite action right now.
Have some fun, Lisa. You deserve it;)
Cheers.
Chantelle
I was on the hunt for some reassurance and I found it(thank God). I am a 29 year old woman and have been dating a 21 year old man? boy? We have been together for about 9 months now and are thinking about getting a place together the catch is he has no money, and no real job. He lives with his parents and has no idea of what responsibities and espically the cost of a home are (blaming parents for that). i love with him, but I dont want to take care of another child I already have a 6 year old son, and he has no intention of getting a job because he is a professional dancer (so he claims) he gets jobs here and there but its not enough to cover the rent on an effiency for a month. His education…. well lets just say school wasnt a strong point for him. Sometimes I hate the fact that my feelings for him are so strong. When we are together things couldnt feel more right and perfect, but when we are apart I cant help but cringe at the fact that I will be raising two children. I think i am in way too deep.
Lisa: how is it going, I have same age difference and it’s just too weird email me
so true, you always feel desired, and what’s best, he always wants you, you just have to dose it up!
even if i had just met him, he’s such a cute and caring boyfriend, unlike others i have had
chantelle, thanks for your pros and cons (i really haven’t experienced the one of taking care of another child, because that’s not my case, thank god) they are very accurate
really, younger guys are so much hotter than older guys! they are fresh and so willing to learn new things!
greetings!!!!
I would like to thank all of you for the great comments. I’ve been thinking for so long if it is the write thing what I am doing. My new partner is 21 and I am 36. Of course there are people (mostly from my family) who were shocked about our relationship. But I don’t really cared anymore about it. My son is 12 and is he accepted adores him. To be honest, i have never been happier in my whole life. He completely changed my life with all his attitude and love. Sometimes when I get angry about little thinks (usually jobs around the house) i recall to my self how boring it will be with an old man. It’s sad that our society has a certain pattern that woman should fallow. I came to the conclusion, that they don’t make me happy and that we don’t have to leave with them… so I will do everything possible to keep having the best time of my life with this man who really loves me for who I am.
Hope you all stick to your young boys, cause they are good and so are we!
I’m dating someone 6 years younger than me…I’m 30 and he’s 24. He’s really great, but his career hasn’t taken off. He is a minor league baseball player and may or may not make it to the majors…I’m ready to settle down, get married, and think about having kids. If baseball doesn’t work out for him, he’ll be going to college (wish he had already) and then finding a job…so it would be at least 4 years before he is solidly working. My family thinks I’m making a mistake, because they really believe I should be with someone who is financially secure right now. I really care a lot about him and know he has great work ethic and the desire to provide for his future family, but I don’t know if it makes sense to wait that long considering my age. I’d love some advice.
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