My Favorite Lesbian Misconceptions

Well, there are far too many misconceptions about every category of person, and that very word CATEGORY is why misconceptions even exist. For some crazy reason we feel the urge to separate people and file them under titles we ourselves have created or society has ever so conveniently created for us, on the house free of charge (unless you consider dignity and accuracy currency)

I’m just going to stick to a few of my all time favorite misconceptions about Lesbians, the ones that make me double over with laughter and leave me wanting more. In the top four in no specific order:

• HOT LESBIANS ARE REALLY STRAIGHT/BISEXUAL
• AWW SWEETIE, SOME MAN MUST HAVE REALLY DONE YOU WRONG
• WAIT A MINUTE, YOU’RE GAY AND YOU KNOW WHAT A BIBLE IS?
• THE ENTIRE DEBATE ON NATURE VS. NURTURE

HOT LESBIANS ARE REALLY STRAIGHT/BISEXUAL

This misconception is an all time classic. It usually derives from men who know little to nothing about women and sleep with little to zero women. But they’ve done their research alright. LUSTEEELESBIANS.COM had much to say/show on the topic. Two straight girls with acrylic nails ( Yeah….ouch!) who were paid to cautiously paw at one another are NOT even scraping the surface of lesbianism. Lesbians (operative word) like women (operative word) Hot lesbians like hot women (or women they consider to be hot) The last things on two hot lesbians minds while they are having sex are pectorals, balls and other silly looking anatomy. The last thing on any man’s mind who gets aroused by watching two women who want absolutely nothing to do with him is self-esteem.

Yes sometimes we use dildos, and I will not speak for every lesbian, but most of the lesbians I know don’t use them often and the best part about a dildo/strap-on is that it comes off only to reveal a nice, lovely…sample of preferred anatomy. It’s funny how in my lifetime the men I have met who aren’t comfortable with lesbians or try to objectify them, seriously have issues with women…wanting to sleep with them. But the ones who are cool with lesbians or indifferent seem to be quite happy in the lady department. It’s a security thing. Of course if you don’t know how to please a woman then you would definitely be intimidated by lesbians, and try to take away the power you give them in your mind by calling them straight or bisexual once again bringing it back to men in a situation where that is not realistic or desired. Not to say that all lesbians know how to please a woman. There is also another mild misconception that a woman knows how to please a woman because she is a woman. I see the logic there but you would be surprised.

I also want to mention the lesbians I know who freak out when their girlfriends say a guy is cute or hangs out with a guy. Again, they are intimidated by men and it comes from a strong place of insecurity, which is not attractive.

AWW SWEETIE, SOME MAN MUST HAVE REALLY DONE YOU WRONG

This one is golden. Often times I want to get an ex-boyfriend of mine on the phone with people who say this to me and count how many seconds it would take with them hearing the horror stories about them dating me to hit the floor in the fetal position shaking like a leaf.

Folks, no. If you meet a girl who is blaming a man who hurt her emotionally in the past for being gay tell her to put the finger she is pointing to better use. There are women who have put up with terrible abuse from men and they are not out chasing the ladies. In my opinion, a woman who says that is a) straight and bitter about it or b) not okay with being gay so she feels the need to blame it on someone else like its a problem she has to come up with an excuse for. The truth is that yes some men in my past have hurt me. And I unfortunately hurt some men emotionally while I was trying to find myself. That’s the case for everyone, every sex and every sexuality when it comes to dating. But when do you ever really see someone with their head in their hands weeping over how many people they screwed over? We would rather play the victim and reap the benefits of course.

WAIT A MINUTE… YOU’RE GAY AND YOU KNOW WHAT A BIBLE IS?

When I was 18 actually I became a born again Christian just to see what it was all about. It wasn’t for me but in the process I was exposed to the BIBLE on one or more occasion. Just because a few people have an interesting interpretation of the BIBLE doesn’t mean that they are going to scare me, or any other homosexual away from it. I don’t take people like that seriously but then again I highly doubt they take themselves seriously. They clearly haven’t done their research and I can’t say I’m moved much by anyone who has a passion for inaccuracy. I honestly believe that if they offered a course called BIBLE 101 in college, that course would cover the 10 commandments one of which being “Thou shalt not judge.”

I’m not Christian and I won’t claim to know exactly what being one entails but I do enjoy hearing the perspective of a genuinely devoted Christian. A straight Christian who opens their mouth to say anything judgmental about gays doesn’t take the BIBLE seriously, doesn’t take themselves seriously, and doesn’t take GOD seriously and definitely doesn’t affect my opinion on such matters. I imagine there are quite a few people who feel that way. SO yes, we know what a BIBLE is and no we still don’t respect fake Christians.

THE ENTIRE DEBATE ON NATURE Vs. NURTURE

The truth is it depends on the individual, instead of classifying I challenge these folks to hear different people’s individual stories. I’ll start with mine. When I was in my early teens I liked both men and women. In society if you are a woman and you like to have sex especially if you are raised in a small town, which I was (a small town in JERSEY) you are ridiculed for it, and insulted for it. I liked having sex, and was very open minded and a naturally sexual human being. I realized that men who slept with a lot of women were praised for it. I equated sleeping with women as powerful and sleeping with men as a sign of weakness or “slutty” behavior. Over the years, it became impossible for me to enjoy sex with men, it physically made me sick, and depressed. Eventually my attraction to men just stopped completely. I’m not blaming anyone, or society, this was just my path. And I wouldn’t blame anyone for loving women. They are just loveable and my sexuality is one of my favorite things about myself. I am open minded to anything that may come my way in the future and if there is a guy out there who can keep me interested then cool. But for now I have to be honest about where I stand.

So it was nature and nurture. I remember at a young age having passionate romantic fantasies about women, taking them away to an island and loving one another. It was never that romantic with men. But I adore the person I have become, and I love women with everything I have, sometimes a little too much.

So go ask other folks their story. Maybe you can ask some people why they are heterosexual as well. The stories get interesting, and it’s fun to tell yours as well.

SIDEBAR:

Women who have had “a lot” of male sexual partners and whom are having healthy, safe and fun sex…GOOD FOR YOU! I hope in telling my story I do not lead anyone to believe that I view a sexual woman as weak, or “slutty.” In fact, I believe quite the opposite. I see them as free, empowered and very, very sexy. In my experience most attractive women and women who have options often have had more than the average number of sexual partners because they have the choice to. I have not yet had the opportunity to meet a sexually inexperienced woman in her mid twenties to late thirties who was not either, insecure about her looks and her body, religious, or unfortunately abused in some way. All you beautiful women out there having wonderful, safe sex whether it be monogamous sex, poly-amorous sex or whatever gets you going, keep up the good work.

I also want to say that I don’t believe that all men prefer women who haven’t had a lot of sex. I’m sure there are some who do and some who don’t, depends on the guy. I know I love sexually experienced women I usually hit it off with them the most. But everyone has their own preferences.

I think the women who call other women sluts and whores and judge them for how many sexual partners they have had are often jealous, less attractive and should not be assaulting other women in such a misogynistic manner.

I think the men who call women sluts and judge women for how many sexual partners they have lack in the confidence department. If I sucked in bed I wouldn’t want people who were experienced either, because they would have others to compare me to and they would know for sure I sucked in bed. I also see a theme of this in male pedophiles. They like things that would make a woman seem like a young girl such as completely shaved pubic areas, perky breasts, sexual inexperience, etc.

If you are seriously worried about STD’s then my advice is to get tested together. I don’t really see a need to sit down and number all the sexual partners you have had. I don’t think this is a reliable way to get information about someone’s sexual history. They may be inaccurate in recalling their past or worse case scenario just dishonest. When it comes to your health you should be 100% sure.

(from LETTERS TO A LESBIAN AND A LUTHERAN written by Chantelle Tibbs and Christine Whitmarsh)

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Posted by Chantelle December 2007

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